When we look at today’s youngsters, we can clearly notice a
growing problem. The new generation seems not to be focused on education, they
lack extra-curricular activities and aesthetic skills, and they don’t have
respect for adults and teachers. School violence has become a major issue in
majority of our schools. Overall, we feel that our children are becoming a lost
generation.
Parents have an immense impact on child. It is the way of
parenting that makes a child good or bad, lazy or active, compassionate or
violent. As an Asian country, the bond between Sri Lankan parent and their
child is greater than western countries. Thus the way which a parent interact
with their children is extremely important. In general, Sri Lankan parents have
a reputation for being tough and strict. It is harder to find a person who is
not subjected to corporal punishment at home or school but are those parenting
methods effective? Do they create better children? Many educationists, doctors
and teachers now reject the idea of corporal punishment to make the children
disciplined. What needed is a strict
parenting concept which is effective and which don’t harm children physically
and mentally.
A concept called tiger parenting may come in handy when
dealing with the above dilemma. Tiger Parenting was introduced by Dr. Amy Chua,
a Junior Professor of Harvard Law School. Her book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger
Mother” created a worldwide debate on parenting. She describes her own
experience of bringing up her two daughters in a strict manner. Dr Chua was
brought up by traditional Chinese parents so that influence helped her to
develop a method to guide her children to excellence.
Tiger parenting doesn’t mean that parents need to use
caning, whipping or other types of corporal punishments to make the children
disciplined. It is a system to make specific targets for children in terms of
their academic and social achievements and constantly monitoring and guiding
them by whatever means to accomplish them. Tiger parents believe that their
children can achieve almost anything with strict control and discipline. They
control what their children may read, what TV programs they may watch, who
their children be friends with etc. Main point in tiger parenting is the active
involvement in child’s academic life by parents.
Dr. Amy Chua’s parenting contradicts liberal western style
parenting in which the self esteem of a child is put in front of his/her
parent’s ambitions but are they similar to traditional Sri Lankan parenting? Of
course Sri Lankan parents may have a vision of their children’s future but do
they have a practical approach or a plan to guide the children? Sri Lankan
parents may very well be involved in child’s education up until the grade 5
scholarship exam which is named notoriously as “The exam of the parents”. Then
gradually parental involvement in child’s education diminishes. When it comes
to studying for Advanced Level Examination, students are completely on their
own sometimes lost in a competitive battle without a clue about what field they
are going to choose in the future. Parents only realize the lack of their
guidance when a child got failed in the exam.
It is fair to say that today’s children are unbalanced
personalities. Children and their parents only focus on academic performance
while completely forgetting that a child should have a competence in academic
and aesthetic fields alike. A true super child should be able to make a balance
in all the above sections. Preparing the child for future career demands is
also important. He or she should be ready for jobs which have not been invented
yet. Obviously mathematics and science play a crucial role in the future
knowledge based economy so pushing children more and more to mathematics and
science related education is a good move. Perfectionism is always administered
by a tiger parent. Any grade except straight ‘A’ is not accepted. Rewarding children
for just passing an exam makes them lazy. Children should understand that
rewards and compliments are very hard to gain but when they do, it reflects the
perfection in their hard work.
The ultimate goal of tiger parenting is to shape the child
in to a balanced person. While concerning on academic excellence only may cause
unnecessary stress on children but pushing children to be involved in sports
and aesthetic activities will make a balance. We should give our children what
they lack most; discipline and self-control. Being a disciplinarian may not a
pleasant experience at first but when the child realize the true meaning of
being strict, they will start to respect you. Dr Chua’s daughter Sophia also expressed
her gratitude to her mother’s parenting style by an open letter published in
the New York Post in January 2011.
Today’s younger generation is inexperienced and easily be
misled. It is their parents’ duty to shape their child like steel in a mould
and to make a respectable person from them. Most probably it might be a bitter
experience at first but when the child immerges as a self-disciplined and
balanced person; it will be the pinnacle of strict parenting. Dr Chua’s tiger
parenting may not be entirely feasible for Sri Lankan child upbringing but
nevertheless it may provide some valuable clues. I strongly recommend all the
parents to assess the effectiveness of their parenting style and make the
necessary adjustments to it.
