Tiger Parenting; an Option Worth Considering

When we look at today’s youngsters, we can clearly notice a growing problem. The new generation seems not to be focused on education, they lack extra-curricular activities and aesthetic skills, and they don’t have respect for adults and teachers. School violence has become a major issue in majority of our schools. Overall, we feel that our children are becoming a lost generation.

Parents have an immense impact on child. It is the way of parenting that makes a child good or bad, lazy or active, compassionate or violent. As an Asian country, the bond between Sri Lankan parent and their child is greater than western countries. Thus the way which a parent interact with their children is extremely important. In general, Sri Lankan parents have a reputation for being tough and strict. It is harder to find a person who is not subjected to corporal punishment at home or school but are those parenting methods effective? Do they create better children? Many educationists, doctors and teachers now reject the idea of corporal punishment to make the children disciplined.  What needed is a strict parenting concept which is effective and which don’t harm children physically and mentally. 

A concept called tiger parenting may come in handy when dealing with the above dilemma. Tiger Parenting was introduced by Dr. Amy Chua, a Junior Professor of Harvard Law School. Her book “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” created a worldwide debate on parenting. She describes her own experience of bringing up her two daughters in a strict manner. Dr Chua was brought up by traditional Chinese parents so that influence helped her to develop a method to guide her children to excellence.

Tiger parenting doesn’t mean that parents need to use caning, whipping or other types of corporal punishments to make the children disciplined. It is a system to make specific targets for children in terms of their academic and social achievements and constantly monitoring and guiding them by whatever means to accomplish them. Tiger parents believe that their children can achieve almost anything with strict control and discipline. They control what their children may read, what TV programs they may watch, who their children be friends with etc. Main point in tiger parenting is the active involvement in child’s academic life by parents.

Dr. Amy Chua’s parenting contradicts liberal western style parenting in which the self esteem of a child is put in front of his/her parent’s ambitions but are they similar to traditional Sri Lankan parenting? Of course Sri Lankan parents may have a vision of their children’s future but do they have a practical approach or a plan to guide the children? Sri Lankan parents may very well be involved in child’s education up until the grade 5 scholarship exam which is named notoriously as “The exam of the parents”. Then gradually parental involvement in child’s education diminishes. When it comes to studying for Advanced Level Examination, students are completely on their own sometimes lost in a competitive battle without a clue about what field they are going to choose in the future. Parents only realize the lack of their guidance when a child got failed in the exam.

It is fair to say that today’s children are unbalanced personalities. Children and their parents only focus on academic performance while completely forgetting that a child should have a competence in academic and aesthetic fields alike. A true super child should be able to make a balance in all the above sections. Preparing the child for future career demands is also important. He or she should be ready for jobs which have not been invented yet. Obviously mathematics and science play a crucial role in the future knowledge based economy so pushing children more and more to mathematics and science related education is a good move. Perfectionism is always administered by a tiger parent. Any grade except straight ‘A’ is not accepted. Rewarding children for just passing an exam makes them lazy. Children should understand that rewards and compliments are very hard to gain but when they do, it reflects the perfection in their hard work.

The ultimate goal of tiger parenting is to shape the child in to a balanced person. While concerning on academic excellence only may cause unnecessary stress on children but pushing children to be involved in sports and aesthetic activities will make a balance. We should give our children what they lack most; discipline and self-control. Being a disciplinarian may not a pleasant experience at first but when the child realize the true meaning of being strict, they will start to respect you. Dr Chua’s daughter Sophia also expressed her gratitude to her mother’s parenting style by an open letter published in the New York Post in January 2011.

Today’s younger generation is inexperienced and easily be misled. It is their parents’ duty to shape their child like steel in a mould and to make a respectable person from them. Most probably it might be a bitter experience at first but when the child immerges as a self-disciplined and balanced person; it will be the pinnacle of strict parenting. Dr Chua’s tiger parenting may not be entirely feasible for Sri Lankan child upbringing but nevertheless it may provide some valuable clues. I strongly recommend all the parents to assess the effectiveness of their parenting style and make the necessary adjustments to it.

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The Never Ending Saga of the Rioting University Students

(Photo Courtesy : http://www.asianmirror.lk/ )

University students, according to some, the eager young minds that are going to take the future of our country, were always in a disadvantaged position in their quest for winning their claims. It has been recently proven again by the police crackdown of HNDA (Higher National Diploma in Accountancy) students at Colombo 7 last week. Unlike the previous protests, even though the similar brutal treatment was received by the students, the media, civil society groups and politicians condemned the attack. Even the prime minister has ordered an investigation in to this incident.

There is an inherent nature of the human being to rally against oppression. When some external force blocks their liberty, individually or collectively humans rise against it. The tug of war between the authorities and their subjects thus begun and it was virtually unchanged for millennia. Students, who were in the lowest social class in terms of their bargaining and economic power had always pushed into collective actions against the authorities. The authorities have the reins to control the system so naturally, the students’ demands for changes which often been bluntly rejected. Throughout the history, youth were in the vanguard of social change. It might range from a simple change in their educational facilities to a broader change in the whole society. American Anti-War Riots in 1960s by the new hippy generation which came to its pinnacle with the killing of Columbia university students, demonstrations against Margret Thatcher and recent UK student riots in 2010 against rise of university fees were several examples.

When discussing this matter, it is natural to venture in to the youth activism in general which Sri Lanka had plenty of examples in 1971, 1988 and 1983-2006 by both Sinhala and Tamil youth for political and economic freedom but for the sake of the HNDA incident, it is better to limit the discussion to student movements centered in educational institutions. It is also important to note that institutions, mainly universities are a breeding ground for social movements as well.

Why students riot?

As discussed above, for a conflict to arise there should be two or more parties with conflicts of interest. When their powers are divergent, group with lesser power will always be kneeling down to the other. The power is not entirely depending on the money and institutional structure that is controlled by a group by also depending on the social impact and bargaining ability as well. The two parties in this conflict; student community and government, each is superior in their own sphere making a compromise impossible.

Almost all of the reasons of students to rise against the authorities are entirely legitimate in terms of the free education system of Sri Lanka. Unless that system got changed (by a policy decision which no politician would dare to make), Sri Lankan students should be entitled to all the associating privileges coming under free education from grade 1 to university. It is not only meant having lecture panel and a place for the students to learn but also up-to-date curriculum targeting future needs, quality of human resources and most importantly, adequate infrastructure.    

Sri Lankan university system is plagued with shortages of suitable degree programs to suit the need for the future. Lack of standard among different degree programs and non-degree programs is also a problem. That was resulted in two of the most intense student standoffs in recent history; last week HNDA students’ clash and Allied-Health Science students’ problem. It is also a breeding ground for clashes within the universities and non-degree awarding government institutions such as National Diploma in Technology (NDT). Conflict with private universities (now it resorted to Private Medical Colleges because for better or for worse, all the other degrees are awarded by private institutions in Sri Lanka except Medical Degree) is another clash point.

For some of the inter-institutional crashes such as University-PMC and Allied Health Science, professional bodies such as Medial Professionals Trade Unions are also engaged making the problem harder to solve. The intervening parties might have legitimate reasons for opposing PMCs and rival non-degree institutions since it is a matter of their professional integrity. Non-standardization and popular political promises given by politicians without thinking of the consequences make the problem worse. For example, as in the case of HNDA, a policy decision was made long before to give the degree status to HNDA and to increase the course duration to 4 years. When the government refuses to keep that promise, it is highly unlikely that the students would not go in to a confrontation with the authorities who shattered their legitimate expectations.

Infrastructural problems are much easier to solve but requires money. It is not exaggeration to tell that most of the university infrastructure is not even suitable for minimum human habitation standards let alone for education. This is most prominent in university lodging. Most of the hostels are in dilapidated condition. Even the newly built ones boasted by the former Higher Education Minister ‘Sumanaweera Banda Dissanayake’ as of highest caliber are plagued with problems. Student clashes in Sabaragamuwa University and continued student movements in the University of Colombo for better hostel facilities were still unanswered. It is not that the government lacks monetary resources but improving education is as not lucrative as building highways, mega-cities and boasting about them by organizing musical shows costing millions of rupees. Every government had invested in votes rather than the general welfare of the people. It is apparent to the politicians that the university students or their family member will never going to vote for them so why bother? Investing in votes is the most ferocious form of misuse of public money. It is the tax money of the general public not politicians’ private donations that are spent here after all.  

Unlike the student movements fuelled by socialist ideology in the seventies and late eighties contemporary university student is highly motivated by capitalism. Even the lucrative slogan of ‘free education’ is considered as a path for upward social mobility by gaining wealth. As we all know, education is the only path for a lower and middle class person to gain wealth and to be part of the capitalist dream. Even though significantly weakened by the resent world economic and social unrests, the capitalist ideology still has some momentum thus it is inevitable for the young mind of university student share the Sri Lankan Dream. It is ironical that ultra-capitalist United National Party government has shattered that dream of HNDA students. Thus not getting the degree recognition will weaken their bargaining power in the job market.

Are students troublemakers?

The short answer is no. Students turn to confrontation with the authorities (not referring to the internal clashes and rivalry within the student factions) as the absolute last measure. Every confrontation is ended in the similar manner. Students march in to the authorities, police are deployed, confrontation and brutal crackdown by the police, injuries, arrests followed by their release, social disapproval, many press conferences then gradually the situation subsides but student claims remain unanswered if not partially resolved and in the end, everyone will live happily ever after except the university students who bears the trauma, disappointment and anger for the rest of their lives.

Nevertheless, protests and confrontations coupled with violent confrontations with the authorities were somewhat effective in recent years. In other words, rioting is the only proven method for their pleas to be heard by the deaf ears of the authorities. More violent the confrontation and injuries, better the outcome will be. Sadly, injuries are the only means to direct the public uproar against the authorities. ‘We need to cry for the milk to form’ is the justification used by the students and they have proven it over and over again. Martyrdom is now the only means of resolving problems while student martyrs are hailed as heroes; this acts as a precedent in future student problems also.   

The question we need to ask ourselves is do all these need to be happening? A university student is not a thrill seeker or a daredevil stuntman who always looking for trouble with police. If the government is always keen to ensure free education, it is not wasteful for them to listen to students’ pleas. Now students are the people who share the same ideology with them after all.

Several changes should be made in the governance to resolve the students’ problems.

• Adamant nature of the government and ministers when dealing with students should be changed. Government has a responsibility to ensure the well-being of students and they should be treated with respect. 
• Government should give priority to the reasonable demands of students (most of demands in fact are reasonable)
• There should be a higher education policy and standardization of degrees and certifications by non-degree awarding institutions to solve the inter-institutional clashes once in for all. Recognition and validity of existing course should be retained if not improved.
• Rules of engagement of the police need to be radically changed. Poor riot control training and attitude resulted in many deaths in the past and continuous tarnishing of public image of police. Lack of negotiation skills of police officers is the main problem. Not one of the senior police officers has been trained on negotiation and conflict resolution. Without that a police officer will be a thug with license to kill as the current police media spokesperson has proved over and over again. Proper training and education will improve the situation. It is important to address the situation as soon as possible before another group of students become victims of police brutality.

University student can be compared to a flame; full of energy and eager to light up the world with wisdom. But that energy can also be used to incarcerate everyone. They can be hazardous material to handle but somehow the authorities should be wise enough to direct that flame productively for the sake of our country’s future.   

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Discovering the Leader in Me

Leadership can have a broad meaning. The ability to take charge of a group of people, the skill of handling people or the will-power to take the responsibility when things go wrong can be considered as leadership. Do we have the leadership skills ? Most of the Sri Lankans may not have the leadership gene in their pool. Situation among school children and university students is even worse. We are a backward nation lacking necessary courage to take risks, admit our mistakes and develop our personalities. Something had to be done. We had to treat the root-course; our youth. "Leadership and Positive Attitudes Development Program for University Students" aka "Leadership Program" was introduced as a cure for the above problem.

I was privileged to have selected for the Leadership Program because I was one of the lucky few who got admission for government universities based on the advanced level examination 2012. When the Leadership Program was first introduced for the students of A/L batch 2010, most of the people looked it with suspicion. I myself shared the same attitude towards it. The main reason for the lack of warm welcome was that the program was to be conducted in military camps with the help of military instructors and in military style disciplined environment. Although Sri Lankan military was venerated for their service in defeating the Tamil Tiger Terrorists, civil society preferred to keep a safe distance from them. No parent was willing to send their children to attend to this so called military training. The first batch was entered before starting universities in 2011. Attendance was made virtually compulsory and the only way out is to give a medical report saying he/she is unfit for training. First batch had to undergo 21 days of training for which the feedback of students was mixed. Students didn't like to have stressful physical training and drill practices but they liked other activities and lectures.

Now two programs completed in two years. The content of the program was gradually improved. Ministry of Higher Education and the military learned their lessons so I was hoping for a better program than the first two. I was selected to the School of Electrical and Mechanical Engineering Gannoruwa, Peradeniya. I've never been inside an army camp before for an extended period of time so I was really nervous. Being away from home was not an issue for me but with all the reassurances, the feeling of loneliness burned me from inside out.

Gannoruwa army camp was neat and tidy. The registration process went smoothly. We were assigned billets for accommodation. There were 259 students, two third of them were girls. Students were divided in to two companies; Alpha and Bravo. Each company was subdivided again in to four platoons and each platoon was divided into three sections for ease of control.

We had to adapt to rigorous time table. We woke up at about 4.00 AM in the morning. Activities such as physical training, drill practice, lectures, sport activities and aesthetic session were scheduled from dawn to midnight. We had less than four hours of sleep per day for the entire three week period.

It is true to say that I've learned almost all the things on how to be a more organized and structured person. Our physical, mental and social skills were gradually improved. We were taught the best practice in even doing the basic day to day chores ranging from arranging beds to cleaning the lavatory. Dining room etiquette, how to dress properly and even how to greet a person were taught.

The best thing I got from this training program is the way how to be a good leader as well as how to be a good follower. We may not be a leader always. Sometimes we have to obey someone and do the duties. I befriended with many people coming from all over the country from different economic or social backgrounds and from different races and religions. Since we wore the same type of dress and we were given the same training, accommodation and food, a sense of harmony and equalism were prevailed among us. All of the students regardless of the gender were bonded like a band of brothers.

We have extended our bond even to the officers and other staff of the Gannoruwa army camp. They were like our brothers and sisters. Although they addressed us "Mister" and "Miss", I'm sure in their hearts they have felt us like their own kith and kin. Their level of tolerance was admirable. To tell the truth, we were always not in our best behavior but the staff tolerated it even they got scolded by their superiors.

Our safety was the priority of the officers and other staff. All the physical activities were bearable and our safety was assured. We we not forced to undergo even a single day of physical training or drill practices. Anyone can fallout from the above activities if they are not fit. Medical facilities were readily available at the camp. Kandy and Peradeniya hospitals were on full alert for any serious medical conditions and we would be receiving treatments there.

The most heartbreaking thing happened to us at the camp was the sudden demise of our friend, Lahiru Sandaruwan. He had undiscovered medical condition which lead to his death. We we really shocked and tormented but faced that grave situation with courage. We were crying at our hearts but putting a brave face in the midst of this situation. I can assure you that this training was not responsible of causing Lahiru's death. We did religious activities for him and even went to his house to pay him our last respect. 

Last but not least, it is my duty to appreciate the leadership given by the commandant of the School of Electrical and Mechanical Engineering - Gannoruwa, Lieutenant Colonel S.A.Pathirana. He was like a father to us. We were always safe in his hands. He steered the leadership course in the midst of grate obstacles and hardships. His leadership qualities were highlighted when Lahiru passed away in the middle of the training program. The way he handled that crisis alone can be a guidebook for a future leader.

Everything was a challenge to me. Waking up in the early morning, ice-cold showers, sleeping in a dormitory, speaking in front of a large crowd, drill practice,  and the hardest of all; handling more than thirty unruly students when I got the chance to be the leader of the platoon for a day. When I look back, I can't even believe I've done all those things.

In conclusion, I may say that this leadership program has changed me for good. It revealed a hidden part of myself. Now I can endure the hardships of life, face challenges, confront my fears and be more structured person. This is one of the best things ever happened to me. I recommend this training course to every prospective university student. If you get the chance to participate in the leadership program, take it because it may be the turning point in your whole life.

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